San Francisco 2004

November 3, 2004

And so it came to be that a man named Thomas found himself driving me to the airport.  Only four days had passed since my return from the South but my thirst for travel still pursued me.  As we pulled to the curb, Thomas and I said our goodbyes in hushed tones.  My destination was San Francisco and after six and a half hours of flight, I made it so.

On the way out, I witnessed George Bush win the 2004 presidential election on my small television monitor right after I watching the philosophical thriller, “Dodge Ball”.  When the plane finally arrived in Oakland, I boarded the bay area’s public transportation vessel known as BART and got off at the Embarcadero station.  It was here that my friend and former college roommate Dara White worked.

You may remember Dara’s parents from the previous journal that covered the fantastic and perfect adventure in Ireland.  Before I met up with Dara, I stopped into a liquor store to purchase a bottle of wine and as my dear friend Bobby Hands would say, “paid through the nose for it.”  I then met up with Dara who I had not seen in six years.  I commented on his gray hairs and he spoke of my receding hairline.

As he had to be involved in a high-powered, most likely diesel-fueled meeting, I dropped my bag in his office and walked around the city for a couple of hours.  I first hit the historic Ferry Building on the waterfront.  A building that was constructed in the late 1800’s to handle the bay area’s busy ferry traffic; it had gone into decay once the dirty bridges had replaced the majesty of ferry travel.  And after a major earthquake forced the removal of a highway that ran in front of this building in 1992, it was decided that the Ferry Building should be restored to its former glory.   My brief tour of its limits proved to answer some previously unknown hunger that existed for large, old ferry buildings.  Well done.

I then continued north along the water and headed westbound up to Coit Tower where I was furnished with professional views of the surrounding area.  Part of the view included the “Rock” which made me reflect on Clint Eastwood’s brilliant escape and Sean Connery’s reluctant assistance in dismantling a domestic terrorist threat with the help of Nicholas Cage.

I left this area and descended down into Chinatown where I watched old men play an assortment of games on the ground.  I don’t know what they were playing but the fact that it was on the ground and performed on pieces of cardboard made it look illegal.

Once back at Dara’s office, the two of us drank a couple of pints of beer at a local bar and made fine work of our recent pasts.  The two of us then drove to Dara’s apartment where I met his girlfriend, Chris.  Chris was a kind and gracious creature and showed me a warm welcome that I had not experienced since before the war.  The three of us then walked to a French restaurant by the name of “Clementine”.  This restaurant had the perfect mix of fine food and a comfortable atmosphere that was void of any pretense.  In a nutshell, I was delighted.

As we ate and spoke, I enjoyed spending time with these two lovers.  Their relationship can be described as fresh and after their multiple years of togetherness, it still contained the playful elements one would see during the initial stages of courtship.  Back at their apartment, we watched a bit of the Knick’s game and went to bed.

November 4, 2004

After breakfast, I spent some time reading on San Francisco.  Adequately educated, I took to Dara’s bike for a couple of hours and made it happen.  I first went through the tree-covered area of Paradiso.  It was amazing to find out that this area had once been barren and that all the trees present were the result of human efforts.  It was here that I chose to stun myself with delicious views of the Golden Gate Bridge.

I eventually headed south to Golden Gate Park and back north to Dara’s apartment.  After a quick cleanup, I drove over to Alamo Plaza, home of the “Painted Ladies” and a heart-wrenching scene from “So I Married an Axe Murderer”.  When I refer to the “Painted Ladies”, I speak of the Victorian homes that are so decadently painted; they must be compared to hot, well-dressed, makeup-wearing chicks.  Perhaps it is good these homes were given their nickname long ago since today’s culture may have dubbed them the “Trashy Sluts”.

I whispered goodbye to these ladies and drove to the touristy area around Fisherman’s wharf.  As I walked, I passed a man who obviously had made his companion a general sense of craziness.  He told me that he was the one who stopped the Vietnam War.  If it weren’t for the rags he wore and hands so permanently dirty they looked like black, polished shoes, I may have believed him.

I then drove through some of San Francisco’s streets like Steve McQueen in the movie “Bullitt”.  I made it back to the apartment and left with Dara to conquer the night.  We met with my brother in law’s coworker, Alicia, who works in the Palo Alto office of the company.  We first met Alicia and her friends at the Fly Bar.  She proved to be a social warrior and her friends were cut from similar cloth.  Perhaps the most interesting was Leslie who kept leaving to check on and bring food to her dog in her parked van outside.  Strange but whatever it takes.

Another one of here friends, Keith, looked a lot like Keanu Reeves which is great since I look a lot like Agent Smith.  I told him we should go out in the streets and just kick the crap out of each other like we did in the “Matrix”.  Instead of fighting, we moved on to the “Independent” where we watched some interesting live music that combined blues, fife, drums and funk and a serious cloud of cannabis that defined the odor and tone of the evening.  Folks got drunk, some high, a sloppy entertainment persevered but no one got hurt.

November 5, 2004

Today I got in the car and drove north to the Muir Woods, home to many brilliant scenes from Return of the Jedi…and some sort of well known redwood trees.  I enjoyed these intense organic structures and the hike that took me out to the ocean.

Once I achieved just the right ocean view, high up on a small mountain, I paused to eat my lunch and write some of the tasty words you’ve read up to this point.  I then worked my way back to the parking lot and drove back to San Francisco.  Before going to Dara’s apartment, I drove to an area known as “Twin Peaks”.  The great thing about this place is that there really are two peaks!  Awesome!

Here I could see the city as if my eyes belonged to a winged creature.  Content with a day of dramatic visuals, I met Dara and we eventually drove to a small town named Truckee.  It was here that Dara’s friend Scott owned a condo that put him 10 minutes from Lake Tahoe.

Paying respect to my rhythm for the past month, Dara and I met Scott at a bar in Truckee.  Along with Scott was another friend of Dara and Scott by the name of Chris who hailed from Ipswich, Ma.  Getting over the mild amusement of our forename and geographic similarities, I began to study my new victims.  It always intrigues me to see the dynamics of friends when they get together.

Dara’s role would be that of the “Cool Mom”.  He would buy the kids beer but kick their ass if they got on his nerves.

Scott was “Clark Kent”.  A mild-mannered professional at first glance but had the super hero ability to party if the situation demanded it.

And then there was Chris.  I dub thee “Risky Disco”.  As we all know, by its precious nature, disco is risky.  To put an adjective before the noun that speaks to the noun’s inherent nature is to emphasize the potency of the one that bears its name.  The role and purpose of Risky Disco is to make it so that no matter what happens, no conversation will be boringly clean, the virtues of sobriety will be placed on the back burner and that at least one poor sap is being gloriously made fun of at all times. In fact these virtues will probably not even make it to the stove.  They’ll most likely be stored in an unmarked Tupperware bin and placed under some eight-month old bag of frozen chicken livers.  Risky Disco will also introduce new and exciting ways to talk about intimate matters.  It is this particular inventive spirit with the spoken word that keeps our words on our public bathroom walls so fresh and stimulating.

My role?  It was to be the guy who in high school could have been voted “Most Likely to Wear Acid-Washed Jeans”.  This was the abstract role I had to fulfill.  The great thing about this role is that you don’t actually have to wear acid-washed jeans.  In fact, it’s better if you don’t.  You just had to have convinced your high school that you had what it took to wear them.

November 6, 2004

After a paltry four hours of sleep, we drove to Alpine Meadows where we would ski for the next few hours.  Although I had not skied, for over four years, I managed to perform.  I even inadvertently went down a double black diamond trail aptly named “Waterfall” and lived to write about it.

When we returned, we literally watched television and slept for the rest of the day.  Crazy.

November 7, 2004

The four of us drove to Lake Tahoe this morning to eat breakfast.  On the way back, a spontaneous decision was made that would have a profound effect on the remainder of the day.  I will tell you that up to this point; it appeared that Chris, Dara and I were going to drive back to San Francisco somewhat soon.

But after a few pitchers of beer were consumed and a general rowdiness ensued, thoughts of homeward bound travel were like dust in the wind.  Since I drank very little, I was elected to navigate our crew to Reno whenever we left the bar.  As the lads continued to increase the intensity of their feedback on the waitress who boasted of ample and interestingly-placed flesh, I realized that the journey and stay in Reno would be stimulating.

For good measure, Chris and Scott punished a couple of innocent shots of Jack Daniels before we left Truckee.  The ride to Reno may have only been 32 miles but it was so saturated with a special kind of inebriation that consistently begged me to stop for beer at every exit.  Dara and I had to refuse these demands and others like, “Ohhh, hey look dudes!  It’s Boomtown!  Ha ha haaa!  Let’s stop here!  Whooohoooo!  Boomtown!!!”

We finally reached the Silver Legacy casino and I watched the boys gamble.  After many heartbreaks, Chris finally had some luck and finished the day ahead $300.  Even more incredible was Dara’s majestical craps performance that earned him a whopping $2100.  While Dara was finishing his game, I pursued one of the skankiest buffet meals I have ever endured.  The food was so void of personality and quality, it was as if they cut out pictures of the actual food, put a despicable gravy on it and let the food warm itself under heat lamps.

The four of us then left the casino and then went to a place where stuff happens.

Tired but determined to get home, Chris, Dara and I left Reno and made it back to San Francisco by 2:00 AM.

November 8, 2004

This morning I performed my normal morning routine.  But this morning included a special caveat that took the shape of a birth announcement.  I called my sister and learned that her new daughter, Audrey Nora Callahan, became a new member of the human race.  The only thing that could compliment such news was a return trip to the Muir Woods.

This time I hiked from Mount Tamalpais to Stinson Beach.  The 4.1 mile descent to the sea brought me through old forests, out on to grass-covered mountain tops and then down through more forests where I finally made it to the small town of Stinson Beach.

At the start of my hike, signs warned me of the possibility of seeing mountain lions, and rattlesnakes.  Amazing, here I am, 15 miles from San Francisco and I have to watch out for dangerous animals.  If I was in a wooded environment 15 miles from Boston, I could only hope to find signs warning me of high school terds drinking in the woods.

For lunch, I grabbed some food at a snack bar and sat by the beach to eat.  As I did, 20 or so seagulls began to close in and beg for food in their silent way.  This caused me to rush my meal and compromise my digestion.  Animals can be such punks sometimes.

On the hike back, I chose a different trail named “Steep Ravine”.  It brought me alongside a river that originated on the top of the mountain I was climbing.  The forest here was so dense and the trees so large that I felt like a tiny piece of lice on the scalp of a rock star’s head.

Back at the apartment, Dara and I enjoyed a salmon dinner of his creation.  While we ate, we watched a movie by the name of “The Power of One”.  The meal and film were both of riveting quality.

November 9, 2004

Today I decided to drive to Napa Valley to investigate the buzz that this region has created.  I’m not usually one for a buzz of this kind but I felt it was the only way to protect myself from people.  For whatever reason, many folks are convinced that Napa Valley is the greatest thing since the invention of the moped (Meaning that they really like Napa Valley.  Come on, who doesn’t like mopeds?  A bicycle that moves itself…brilliant.).  Perhaps if you have lived in the ground your entire life and this was the first thing you saw, the experience would be far more provocative.  I know for a fact that when I return, people will say, “So did you see Napa?  Did you?!  Did you?!  I LOVE NAPA VALLEY!!  Flowers…wine…slacks…ahhhh, I can’t take it anymore!  Napaaaaaaaaa….”

For the record, Napa is a fine place.  I went to Francis Ford Coppola’s winery in Rutherford which proved to be a unique experience.  I tasted wine.  It was nice.  I then ate lunch in the town of St. Helena which was also a lovely experience.  One of the best parts of the lunch for me was my encounter with Mr. Lady Steps.  Sitting at the bar, I heard someone walking behind me.  In my mind, I decided this person to be a woman.  Why?  The sound of the shoes hitting the floor was that of a woman’s shoe.  When I turned around and saw a man producing this delicate patter, I realized it was a man who stepped like a lady, Mr. Lady Steps.  I’m not sure if it was due to his method of walking or because his shoes were so astronomically fancy.  Whatever the reason, he will remain Mr. Lady Steps.

So in any event, don’t get me wrong.  Napa is fine.  I just didn’t feel the emotion for it that others do.  And it may also very well be the case that I do not return.

On my return to San Francisco, I drove along Sea Cliff Drive and witnessed some brilliant ocean side property and parks.  When I returned to Dara’s, we ordered out for Chinese food and watched Gladiator.  All good.

November 10, 2004

Flew home, yo.  What else can I tell you?  One odd side note to share is that before boarding the plane, I stopped in the men’s room.  As I stared at the tiny alleys of grout between the tiles on the wall, I could see words written in the grout.  Some of the finer ones said, “Groutful Dead”, “Jump and Grout” and “The Grout Wall of China”.  I will never feel bad about myself again.

Also, a powerful piece of advice I can give you is to not bring the type of pen that stores a large reservoir of ink in its chamber on to a plane.  It appears the change of pressure causes the pen to explode onto your journal, hands and pants.  Very annoying.  So there I am, eating Terra Blue Chips with blue ink on my hands and pants, trying to wash it off with blue liquid hand cleaner on a Jet Blue airplane.  The irony failed to amuse me.

When I arrived in Boston, I was greeted by the loud diesel engine of Thomas’ big Dodge pickup truck.  Sitting within its limits made me feel intensely masculine.  As Thomas drove, I reviewed the past weeks events.

Before going home, Thomas and I drove to our friends Derik and Mary Ann’s.  Our purpose was to move an exercise bike from their South End apartment to the Back Bay where the original owner of the bike resided.  I was told the bike did not work so that is why we were to move it back to the original owner.  We then were asked to instead bring the bike to Thomas’ basement in South Boston for temporary storage because perhaps the bike worked now or something to that effect.  I really don’t know.  I know there was a woman involved in the process which could have accounted for the sudden shift of plans but since I am such a nonsexist and open-minded lad, I can’t really say for sure.  Besides, Derik isn’t a woman anyways.  Booyah!!

When I finally made it home, I watched “Point of No Return” and “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure”.  A fitting end to such a ravenous journey.

 

Trip to Atlanta 2002

January 17, 2002

And so it begins…

Like most things good and important, the origins of them are often traced back to a bar.  The existence of our country owes much to the carefully drawn out plans that took place not in some boring, stuffy meeting room or government building but rather the cozy and intimate atmosphere of a bar or tavern. True, the times of which I speak were during the Revolutionary War, but the spirit remains.

My trip to Atlanta with Karl and his lovely fiancée Jill was born in Crossroad’s café located on the reservoir’s edge in Acton, MA. It was there I learned that Jill was going to be involved in a two-week audit with Liberty Mutual in Atlanta.  Due to the efficiency of the three of us, the trip was practically planned out completely before my glass, which was fortunate enough to hold an enlightening pint of Wachusett IPA, returned to the table.  A week later, the three of us found ourselves in the Burren with members of my family.  The Burren is a pub located in Davis Square, Somerville and deserves great amounts of flowery language to justly describe it but in the interests of time, paper and patience, I will resist the urge.  Our session at the Burren and the communication of our Southern intentions was enough to convince my older sister Jennifer to join us along with her daughter Alexandra of 41/2 years.  This trip would not only allow my sister to observe the subtle differences in my behavior that exist once south of the Mason-Dixon Line but it would more importantly allow her, my niece and myself to see my brother Sean in the city he has called home for the past eight years.

The day of departure was a nice day besides receiving some nasty feedback from one of the major Boston hotels whose cable television account I manage.  It seems that their account was shut off for non-pay the night before and the guests were forced to delight themselves with the humble pleasures of the Pay Per View Guide channel as this is the default channel when we shut down the converter boxes that control the hotel’s channels.  I apologized until my lips and tongue were dry and cracked and felt bad about what happened but holy cow, it’s as if we sucked out the air from all the guestrooms and forced their patrons to watch a three-hour tape of Al Gore giving a talk on dust.

Upon wrapping up things at 40 Marine Road, Apartment 3, I called a taxi and made my way to the Federal Courthouse where I was to meet Karl at 4 PM sharp.  The taxi pulled up at 3:57 and within seconds, I saw the discoverable mystery that is Karl coming towards us on the footbridge that came from Atlantic Avenue.  I told the taxi driver that due to Karl’s German ancestry, such prompt moments were of no surprise to me.  On the way to the airport, we discussed the marvels of leaving early from work and once inside, we passed through security, enjoyed a Sam Adams Lager and boarded the plane.  Due to booking confusion, we were forced to sit in separate parts of the plane.

Once on the ground, Karl and I picked up our silver Dodge Stratus after wisely avoiding a poorly executed flimflam attempt by one of the agents behind the counter.  They offered Karl a 20% reduction on an upgrade to a mid-sized vehicle.  Karl declined the offer and when we got to the lot and requested our economy car, the representative scratched her head and said, “Why do they keep sending down paperwork for economy cars when they know we are out of them?”  The final result was that they had to give Karl the mid-sized vehicle anyways at the economy price and should never have tried to squeeze more dollars out of him.  Not realizing that they were dealing with the investment industry powerhouse, the feeble blow was deflected and Karl reigned the victor.

As we neared the hotel, we pulled into a Waffle House where I ordered a BLT and salad to go.  I would have enjoyed my food in the restaurant but one look at the clientele told me that I would need at least 8 cylinders under the hood of my car to fit the rigorous social expectations of this authentic crowd.

Karl and I parked the car in the hotel lot and made our way to the lobby/gatehouse area where we found Jill waiting for us.  She did not have to wait for us in the lobby nor did she have to buy the micro-brewed beer that greeted us in the refrigerator but to understand Jill’s nature is to understand the season of spring; full of life, well received by its audience and always causing happiness.  With that, we said our good nights and slumbered.

January 18, 2002

It was a bit gray and dismal but it was a start to the day, nonetheless.  Without the foolishness of a shower, Karl and I moved quickly to the Gatehouse where we encountered a free breakfast buffet.  Scrambled eggs, biscuits, fresh fruit, yogurt, self-made waffles and juice were the order of the morning.  On the way out, Karl and I practiced our rogue breakfast techniques by carrying some fruit beyond the legal limits of the designated breakfast arena.  Since I was raised right, I know to ignore the establishment’s tendency to frown upon this action.

When my family (six children and two parents) drove to Florida, we would stay in a hotel one or two nights.  Instead of practicing the natural routine of breakfast, my father grabbed a cup of coffee and we immediately hit the road.  Hours later and completely famished, we finally pulled over to a Shoney’s Big Boy and our family would absolutely wail on their unsuspecting buffet.  We ate well beyond the logical and physical boundaries, as we knew not the next time we would ever stop for anything again.  It was there I learned the tactics of the extended buffet.

We returned to the room, tidied things up, called my brother Sean for possible ideas to entertain ourselves and decided to visit one of my old friends, Kennesaw Mountain.  On the way, we broke into my brother’s house and stole some active wear from his room.  While I did this, Karl enjoyed one of my industry’s finest products: digital cable, all of the splendid benefits of a satellite without making your house look like a moon base.  Clothed for hiking, we drove to the mountain and hiked to the top.  Karl’s insatiable hunger for knowledge lead him to read all of the historical excerpts along the trail that described important Civil War battles.

From there, we made our way to my brother’s place of work where we listened to my brother basically let us know why he is important enough to have an office.  Actually, he touched upon the finer points of his dealings with his company’s logistical software.  His face didn’t show it, but I knew deep inside, somewhere, Karl’s German and efficient heart was like a giddy schoolboy.  This lead into a quick lunch and after dropping my brother off, Karl and I walked along the Chattahoochee River and through some of the trails nearby.  It didn’t strike us at first, but all of the sudden we finally realized how weird we might have looked.  Karl and I wear very similar eyeglasses.  They boast of a refined retro black plastic-rimmed style.  If one of your buddies wears them, you might think, “Hey, those glasses are kind of neat.  They look good on him.”  But when two dudes are walking through the woods, unchaperoned, wearing distinctly designed, duplicate glasses, unfavorable questions are sure to arise.  We got out of this area before anything bad happened.

After this, Karl went to his fisherman’s outlet store he had been longing to experience and I picked up my brother.  Sean and I made our way to the airport where we gathered my sister Jen and her extremely excited daughter Alexandra who could not find enough words to express her fascination with my brother’s jeep.  This is the same jeep that only a couple of hours ago, I was putting on a comedic show by inadvertently driving over a curb in the parking garage under my brother’s office building.  I was in the process of shaking off the dust from my standard transmission driving abilities and finding an elusive exit from the garage and simply ran over this curb.  The impact was not tremendous.  The sensation created could be compared to that of being struck in a bumper car by another bumper car that was driven by a well-fed couple.  At the time, Karl was following me close behind in his rental car and even though I looked through a somewhat unclear plastic window and then into an unclean rear-view mirror and then through his windshield, I could still detect wildly smiling features.  It seems I am destined to make an ass of myself when behind the wheel of this frisky mechanical creature.

In any event, Sean, Jen, Alexandra and I made it back to my brother’s house after trying to feed the voraciously curious mind of my niece.  Being in her midst reminds me how incredibly inquisitive a child can be and how dumb an adult can be.  I don’t think I provided one decent answer to the plethora of abstract queries she put before me.  But her attention shifted as we made it to Sean’s house and she ran from room to room with a wide smile.

Sean and Jen then brought her to a nearby park while I catnapped and cleaned up which, upon my niece’s touching my unacceptable whiskers and following demand, included a shave.  I then called Karl and Jill where we planned to join forces like a successful superhero team and tackle the Atlanta night.  Before they arrived, we dined on California Pizza Kitchen’s finest.  And speaking of superheroes or superheroines, when Karl and Jill arrived, they found a free-spirited young woman digesting her dinner by running through the house in her underwear; not quite Wonderwoman, she seemed more to be Wunderwearwoman.  Amused, but sober, we decided it was time to move ourselves to Gordon Bierches where we met one of Jill’s former collegiate roommates.  Two rounds later, the three of us left and began our journey to an English bar by the name of Hand In Hand that was tucked away in the heart of the Highlands.  Although we were equipped with adequate directions, we somehow managed to get lost.  I felt pathetic.  True, we forgot our map but I still should have been able to provide more direction since I have been to Atlanta several times.  My failure to find our bar became paramount in my mind when I thought of Luke Skywalker.  He was able to navigate his X-Wing fighter through asteroid fields, planets and other obstacles of space with not much more than the help from some feisty, whiny trash can whose help was probably less than that of a cub scout drop out and still he was able to haphazardly bump into a two-foot creature in the middle of a planet-sized swamp.  It didn’t stop me from drinking but the thought brought bitterness to my beer.  After enjoying our beers and delicious conversation on the outside patio on this relatively comfortable, southern January evening, we delivered ourselves back to our respective places of sleep.

January 19, 2002

Upon waking to the sounds of my niece’s busy footsteps, I promptly ate and called America’s favorite couple, Karl and Jill.  Sean, Jen, Alexandra and I drove to an Imax theater where we met up with Karl, Jill, Sean’s friend Stephanie and her two children Meredith and Lizzy.  The feature presentation was “The Lost World”.  It touched upon the delicate balances that exist in ecosystems throughout the world and allowed Harrison Ford to add “Deep, Meaningful, Planet-Conscious Narrator Man of fine Imax Cinematic Educational Offering” to his resume.  At first, we planned to view “Majestic White Horses” until I gently slapped some sense into my brother.  It can be hard enough for a single guy like myself to avoid gay rumors.  I need not create evidence that could be used against me in a court of heterosexuality.

Hungry from our intake of knowledge and from witnessing a boy and a girl dressed in purple superhero outfits in the lobby with the titles of “Bible Man” and “Proverb Girl” on their capes, respectively of course, we decided to eat pizza at Fellinis.  Adequately fed, we parted ways and returned to Sean’s house.  At this point, Jen, Sean and Alexandra went to the supermarket to buy goods for a small party at Sean’s house that evening and I proceeded to crawl through one of my worst, meager track workouts in a raw, constant rain at the Catholic private high school known as Marist Academy.  Back at the house, we cleaned up and made ourselves ready for a charming party of Sean’s design.  The cast was as delightful and perfect as my stone-colored Banana Republic flat front pants that I was wearing.

Coming through the door were the likes of Karl, Jill, Stephanie, Mike Curtin and his wife Christine, Matt Tichelaar, Tim Binder, Tim Velleca and his wife Mimi and Paul Lawler who was the cause of much laughter on my last trip.  Paul brought three things to the party: delicious strumboli of his own making, a professional and artificial lisp and a tendency to swear when he was unknowingly within earshot of my niece.  After a quick verbal spanking from my sister Jen, Paul transformed his naughty word into “hiney”.

On the stereo were the smooth sounds of Miles Davis and Eva Cassidy, a fantastic female vocalist who passed away recently due to cancer but is continuing to develop an increasing fan base.  As the night wore on, many of the guests began to lobby for a showing of the Patriots-Raiders game in the living room so we begrudgingly shut down the music to watch the Patriots beat the Raiders in overtime as a heavy snow covered the field.  It was then brought to my attention that we were running out of beer so I hopped into my brother’s jeep; the same jeep that saw me breaking the cover to the middle storage cabinet between the two front seats on the prior day.  I was a menace.  I also broke a hanger that evening when I was hiding in a closet during a strategic game of “hide and seek” with my niece Alexandra.  But that’s how I am.  Without trying, I tend to highlight certain behavior patterns for a few days straight.  Typical patterns are breaking things, beer drinking, throwing touchdown passes, working, shopping and fighting.

I returned back with Harp lager, Budweiser, Sweetwater Blue Ale (local microbrew) and Spaten Oktoberfest, which I realized may have not been the freshest choice after Mike Curtin reminded me that we were currently three months past said celebration.  While we partied on, my sister Jen and Alexandra went to bed.  Meanwhile, Paul, Mike, Christine and I chatted like birds in forest in Sean’s kitchen.  After some time and unable to sleep, my sister, with the same free spirit of that of her daughter, casually entered the kitchen in her sleepwear in almost a trance.  She stood between Paul and I and poured herself some red wine.  Paul could not resist a wisecrack and opened his mouth, “Hey, is that for Alexandra?”  My sister barely grumbled back at him and drew back to her room.  We laughed at Paul’s inability to drum up a response from my sister and all he could say was “Yup…your sister hates me.”  “Paul” I said, “She doesn’t hate you.  She just…well…yah, she probably does.”

Around one in the morning, the remaining guests said farewell and Sean and I cleaned up.  In case you wondered, we went to bed after that.

January 20, 2002

The four of us awoke the next morning and after breakfast, allowed Sean to show us nice, big houses in Atlanta.  Unfortunately, my three companions shared an affinity for James Taylor so I was forced to endure this 30-minute musical hiccup.  He’s talented and I can respect him, he’s from Massachusetts, my friend dated his daughter and he sings a song about Lowell, MA but I still can’t bring myself to a point of auditory nirvana when I hear him sing.  Although my niece rocked her head back and forth to this music, I knew she would be okay because earlier that morning, without anyone’s coaxing, she walked around my brother’s house singing “Go Hammer!  Go Hammer! Go Hammer!”  Her singing those dynamite, soulful, hip-hop verses made me know it would all be okay.

In any event, we continued on to the Atlantic Zoo.  Entertaining wildlife moments were hard to find since the cooler winter temperatures created a “hung-over” atmosphere among the animals.  This didn’t stop one man from approaching my brother at the Gorilla exhibit and asking him in a southern accent, “You ever feed gum to the gorillas?”

“No” my brother replied a bit startled.

With that, the man took out some gum and launched it about 35 yards into the exhibit.  The gum landed about three feet from a gorilla and upon seeing it, the gorilla moved over to the piece of gum, picked it up with his hand and put it into his mouth and began to chew.  The man looked at my brother with a smile and said, “They’ll chew that all day.”

The rest of the visit was a bit tamer but still included the excitement of a humble train ride through a small section of the zoo.  Confused, my niece asked me, “Uncle Chris, why is the train moving so slow?”

“Well,” I replied. “that’s because they want us to think we’re getting the most for our money.”

“Oh,” she responded.

Back at the house, some of us napped while others watched television.  My brother and I decided to enjoy a pleasant, 45-minute, toxin removing run.  Some quick freshening up lead to a departure to Maggianos, a fantastic chain of high quality Italian restaurants.  With our hungers overly-satiated, we settled the bill, drove home and went to bed.

January 21, 2002

This day marked three important things: Martin Luther King Day, my brother Sean’s birthday and our departure from Atlanta.  To end this wonderful trip appropriately, the four of us met up with Karl at one of my favorite establishments in Atlanta: The Flying Biscuit.  Renown for its mastery of breakfast-oriented delights, it provided the perfect backdrop for our last meal in this relaxing yet active city.  The MVP of this meal was, hands down, Karl Schneider for his bold decision to absolutely hurl caution into a 100-mph wind and order grits for the first time in his life.  I realize that I often comment on Karl’s German nature but his ability to explore this pasty, Southern mess resembled that of an early American practicing their belief of Manifest Destiny and taking over new and uncharted territories.  He made me proud.

After the meal, I said goodbye and thank you to my brother and traveled to the airport in Karl’s Stratus in attempts to parallel our stunning arrival.  On the way, we stopped at a gas station to fill up the tank as required by the car rental company.  This time around, it was Karl’s German and efficient nature that seized the moment.  To our distaste, we happened to pull into one of those annoying gas stations that forces you to pay before you pump your gas.  Not wanting to risk overpaying, Karl tried his best to figure out what the least amount of gas we would need to get us to the “F” line.  Karl made his way to the counter, shelled out some minute amount of cash and returned to pump some gas. After he finished, he sat down in the driver’s seat.

It was an entertaining scene.  On the radio played some strange station that played German opera music while Karl put the key in the ignition, turned it slightly and the both of us stared dramatically at the gas needle.  As those strange German voices seemed to crescendo, the needle followed suit and the two of screamed on with voices of encouragement.

“Come on!!  You can make it!!  Do it!  Do it!  Yah…ahhh…ohhhh…damn it!!”

The needle fell noticeably short and our spirits with it.  Karl had to gather together the scattered bits of his pride and face the gas man behind the counter one more time ( One of the greatest things about this moment was that as Karl was getting out of the car for the second time to buy more gas, he lightly chuckled and said, “I guess you can put this in your journal.”  Yes I can Karl.  Yes I can.).  I was just glad that it wasn’t me that had to go back in there and say:  “Hey yah, it’s me again.  My friend and I are the tools that just bought a dollar’s worth of gas.  Well, it appears that won’t be enough.  I mean, I never imagined that one dollar of gas wouldn’t be enough!  Who knew?  Like, anyways, here’s two dollars for some more gas.  Now I think we’ll be in business!  Later.”

We finally got over this hurdle and after doing a few unplanned victory laps around the airport, we decided it was best for me to try and book an earlier flight and let Karl get lost as he tried to find the car rental return office.  Forty minutes later, Karl and I met up in Concourse A and were unable to fly out early so we waited patiently for our original flight to board.  Again the two of us were forced to sit apart so unfortunately I was not witness to the pristine exchange between Karl and a fellow passenger in the line to board the plane.

As this man in front of Karl was being frisked by security, this very large, overweight woman with a soulful voice turned to Karl and said, “You know, I know a way to increase security on flights.”

“How’s that?” Karl asked

“They oughta just make everybody go on naked.  That way, you can’t hide nothing!  Besides, if they saw me coming with no clothes, no one would bother frisking me.”

Unfortunately, there are certain moments and visions we can’t remove from our lives.  They continue to weigh down our souls for the rest of time.  I think I speak for Karl as well when I say that I have no dislike or inability to form a meaningful bond with someone that is fat.  But for Pete’s sake, please don’t force me to picture you naked.  To be honest with you, I would rather not think of most people naked.  The creation of clothes was no mistake.  It wasn’t just to keep us warm either.  If it was just an issue of warmth, I’m sure there would be a lot more of us running around naked on the equator.  There is definitely some ugliness to cover up and clothes make it happen.

Back in Boston, we waited to deplane at the gate and it was at that time that I noticed how foul the air is in a plane when it sits at the gate after a flight and the circulation is minimal.  The odor is like a mixture of coffee breath, dirty laundry and a public bathroom.  It forced me to move quickly off the plane and meet up with Karl out in the gate.  The two of us grabbed a cab and returned to our domain of South Boston.  The trip was officially over and all that was left to do was to put it into words.