And so it begins\u2026<\/p>\n
Like most things good and important, the origins of them are often traced back to a bar.\u00a0 The existence of our country owes much to the carefully drawn out plans that took place not in some boring, stuffy meeting room or government building but rather the cozy and intimate atmosphere of a bar or tavern. True, the times of which I speak were during the Revolutionary War, but the spirit remains.<\/p>\n
My trip to Atlanta with Karl and his lovely fianc\u00e9e\u00a0Jill was born in Crossroad\u2019s caf\u00e9 located on the reservoir\u2019s edge in Acton, MA. It was there I learned that Jill was going to be involved in a two-week audit with Liberty Mutual in Atlanta.\u00a0 Due to the efficiency of the three of us, the trip was practically planned out completely before my glass, which was fortunate enough to hold an enlightening pint of Wachusett IPA, returned to the table.\u00a0 A week later, the three of us found ourselves in the Burren with members of my family.\u00a0 The Burren is a pub located in Davis Square, Somerville and deserves great amounts of flowery language to justly describe it but in the interests of time, paper and patience, I will resist the urge.\u00a0 Our session at the Burren and the communication of our Southern intentions was enough to convince my older sister Jennifer to join us along with her daughter Alexandra of 41\/2 years.\u00a0 This trip would not only allow my sister to observe the subtle differences in my behavior that exist once south of the Mason-Dixon Line but it would more importantly allow her, my niece and myself to see my brother Sean in the city he has called home for the past eight years.<\/p>\n
The day of departure was a nice day besides receiving some nasty feedback from one of the major Boston hotels whose cable television account I manage.\u00a0 It seems that their account was shut off for non-pay the night before and the guests were forced to delight themselves with the humble pleasures of the Pay Per View Guide channel as this is the default channel when we shut down the converter boxes that control the hotel\u2019s channels.\u00a0 I apologized until my lips and tongue were dry and cracked and felt bad about what happened but holy cow, it\u2019s as if we sucked out the air from all the guestrooms and forced their patrons to watch a three-hour tape of Al Gore giving a talk on dust.<\/p>\n
Upon wrapping up things at 40 Marine Road, Apartment 3, I called a taxi and made my way to the Federal Courthouse where I was to meet Karl at 4 PM sharp.\u00a0 The taxi pulled up at 3:57 and within seconds, I saw the discoverable mystery that is Karl coming towards us on the footbridge that came from Atlantic Avenue.\u00a0 I told the taxi driver that due to Karl\u2019s German ancestry, such prompt moments were of no surprise to me.\u00a0 On the way to the airport, we discussed the marvels of leaving early from work and once inside, we passed through security, enjoyed a Sam Adams Lager and boarded the plane.\u00a0 Due to booking confusion, we were forced to sit in separate parts of the plane.<\/p>\n
Once on the ground, Karl and I picked up our silver Dodge Stratus after wisely avoiding a poorly executed flimflam attempt by one of the agents behind the counter.\u00a0 They offered Karl a 20% reduction on an upgrade to a mid-sized vehicle.\u00a0 Karl declined the offer and when we got to the lot and requested our economy car, the representative scratched her head and said, \u201cWhy do they keep sending down paperwork for economy cars when they know we are out of them?\u201d\u00a0 The final result was that they had to give Karl the mid-sized vehicle anyways at the economy price and should never have tried to squeeze more dollars out of him.\u00a0 Not realizing that they were dealing with the investment industry powerhouse, the feeble blow was deflected and Karl reigned the victor.<\/p>\n
As we neared the hotel, we pulled into a Waffle House where I ordered a BLT and salad to go.\u00a0 I would have enjoyed my food in the restaurant but one look at the clientele told me that I would need at least 8 cylinders under the hood of my car to fit the rigorous social expectations of this authentic crowd.<\/p>\n
Karl and I parked the car in the hotel lot and made our way to the lobby\/gatehouse area where we found Jill waiting for us.\u00a0 She did not have to wait for us in the lobby nor did she have to buy the micro-brewed beer that greeted us in the refrigerator but to understand Jill\u2019s nature is to understand the season of spring; full of life, well received by its audience and always causing happiness.\u00a0 With that, we said our good nights and slumbered.<\/p>\n
It was a bit gray and dismal but it was a start to the day, nonetheless.\u00a0 Without the foolishness of a shower, Karl and I moved quickly to the Gatehouse where we encountered a free breakfast buffet.\u00a0 Scrambled eggs, biscuits, fresh fruit, yogurt, self-made waffles and juice were the order of the morning.\u00a0 On the way out, Karl and I practiced our rogue breakfast techniques by carrying some fruit beyond the legal limits of the designated breakfast arena.\u00a0 Since I was raised right, I know to ignore the establishment\u2019s tendency to frown upon this action.<\/p>\n
When my family (six children and two parents) drove to Florida, we would stay in a hotel one or two nights.\u00a0 Instead of practicing the natural routine of breakfast, my father grabbed a cup of coffee and we immediately hit the road.\u00a0 Hours later and completely famished, we finally pulled over to a Shoney\u2019s Big Boy and our family would absolutely wail on their unsuspecting buffet.\u00a0 We ate well beyond the logical and physical boundaries, as we knew not the next time we would ever stop for anything again.\u00a0 It was there I learned the tactics of the extended buffet.<\/p>\n
We returned to the room, tidied things up, called my brother Sean for possible ideas to entertain ourselves and decided to visit one of my old friends, Kennesaw Mountain.\u00a0 On the way, we broke into my brother\u2019s house and stole some active wear from his room.\u00a0 While I did this, Karl enjoyed one of my industry\u2019s finest products: digital cable, all of the splendid benefits of a satellite without making your house look like a moon base.\u00a0 Clothed for hiking, we drove to the mountain and hiked to the top.\u00a0 Karl\u2019s insatiable hunger for knowledge lead him to read all of the historical excerpts along the trail that described important Civil War battles.<\/p>\n
From there, we made our way to my brother\u2019s place of work where we listened to my brother basically let us know why he is important enough to have an office.\u00a0 Actually, he touched upon the finer points of his dealings with his company\u2019s logistical software.\u00a0 His face didn\u2019t show it, but I knew deep inside, somewhere, Karl\u2019s German and efficient heart was like a giddy schoolboy.\u00a0 This lead into a quick lunch and after dropping my brother off, Karl and I walked along the Chattahoochee River and through some of the trails nearby.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t strike us at first, but all of the sudden we finally realized how weird we might have looked.\u00a0 Karl and I wear very similar eyeglasses.\u00a0 They boast of a refined retro black plastic-rimmed style.\u00a0 If one of your buddies wears them, you might think, \u201cHey, those glasses are kind of neat.\u00a0 They look good on him.\u201d\u00a0 But when two dudes are walking through the woods, unchaperoned, wearing distinctly designed, duplicate glasses, unfavorable questions are sure to arise.\u00a0 We got out of this area before anything bad happened.<\/p>\n
After this, Karl went to his fisherman\u2019s outlet store he had been longing to experience and I picked up my brother.\u00a0 Sean and I made our way to the airport where we gathered my sister Jen and her extremely excited daughter Alexandra who could not find enough words to express her fascination with my brother\u2019s jeep.\u00a0 This is the same jeep that only a couple of hours ago, I was putting on a comedic show by inadvertently driving over a curb in the parking garage under my brother\u2019s office building.\u00a0 I was in the process of shaking off the dust from my standard transmission driving abilities and finding an elusive exit from the garage and simply ran over this curb.\u00a0 The impact was not tremendous.\u00a0 The sensation created could be compared to that of being struck in a bumper car by another bumper car that was driven by a well-fed couple.\u00a0 At the time, Karl was following me close behind in his rental car and even though I looked through a somewhat unclear plastic window and then into an unclean rear-view mirror and then through his windshield, I could still detect wildly smiling features.\u00a0 It seems I am destined to make an ass of myself when behind the wheel of this frisky mechanical creature.<\/p>\n
In any event, Sean, Jen, Alexandra and I made it back to my brother\u2019s house after trying to feed the voraciously curious mind of my niece.\u00a0 Being in her midst reminds me how incredibly inquisitive a child can be and how dumb an adult can be.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I provided one decent answer to the plethora of abstract queries she put before me.\u00a0 But her attention shifted as we made it to Sean\u2019s house and she ran from room to room with a wide smile.<\/p>\n
Sean and Jen then brought her to a nearby park while I catnapped and cleaned up which, upon my niece\u2019s touching my unacceptable whiskers and following demand, included a shave.\u00a0 I then called Karl and Jill where we planned to join forces like a successful superhero team and tackle the Atlanta night.\u00a0 Before they arrived, we dined on California Pizza Kitchen\u2019s finest.\u00a0 And speaking of superheroes or superheroines, when Karl and Jill arrived, they found a free-spirited young woman digesting her dinner by running through the house in her underwear; not quite Wonderwoman, she seemed more to be Wunderwearwoman.\u00a0 Amused, but sober, we decided it was time to move ourselves to Gordon Bierches where we met one of Jill\u2019s former collegiate roommates.\u00a0 Two rounds later, the three of us left and began our journey to an English bar by the name of Hand In Hand that was tucked away in the heart of the Highlands.\u00a0 Although we were equipped with adequate directions, we somehow managed to get lost.\u00a0 I felt pathetic.\u00a0 True, we forgot our map but I still should have been able to provide more direction since I have been to Atlanta several times.\u00a0 My failure to find our bar became paramount in my mind when I thought of Luke Skywalker.\u00a0 He was able to navigate his X-Wing fighter through asteroid fields, planets and other obstacles of space with not much more than the help from some feisty, whiny trash can whose help was probably less than that of a cub scout drop out and still he was able to haphazardly bump into a two-foot creature in the middle of a planet-sized swamp.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t stop me from drinking but the thought brought bitterness to my beer.\u00a0 After enjoying our beers and delicious conversation on the outside patio on this relatively comfortable, southern January evening, we delivered ourselves back to our respective places of sleep.<\/p>\n
Upon waking to the sounds of my niece\u2019s busy footsteps, I promptly ate and called America\u2019s favorite couple, Karl and Jill.\u00a0 Sean, Jen, Alexandra and I drove to an Imax theater where we met up with Karl, Jill, Sean\u2019s friend Stephanie and her two children Meredith and Lizzy.\u00a0 The feature presentation was \u201cThe Lost World\u201d.\u00a0 It touched upon the delicate balances that exist in ecosystems throughout the world and allowed Harrison Ford to add \u201cDeep, Meaningful, Planet-Conscious Narrator Man of fine Imax Cinematic Educational Offering\u201d to his resume.\u00a0 At first, we planned to view \u201cMajestic White Horses\u201d until I gently slapped some sense into my brother.\u00a0 It can be hard enough for a single guy like myself to avoid gay rumors.\u00a0 I need not create evidence that could be used against me in a court of heterosexuality.<\/p>\n
Hungry from our intake of knowledge and from witnessing a boy and a girl dressed in purple superhero outfits in the lobby with the titles of \u201cBible Man\u201d and \u201cProverb Girl\u201d on their capes, respectively of course, we decided to eat pizza at Fellinis.\u00a0 Adequately fed, we parted ways and returned to Sean\u2019s house.\u00a0 At this point, Jen, Sean and Alexandra went to the supermarket to buy goods for a small party at Sean\u2019s house that evening and I proceeded to crawl through one of my worst, meager track workouts in a raw, constant rain at the Catholic private high school known as Marist Academy.\u00a0 Back at the house, we cleaned up and made ourselves ready for a charming party of Sean\u2019s design.\u00a0 The cast was as delightful and perfect as my stone-colored Banana Republic flat front pants that I was wearing.<\/p>\n
Coming through the door were the likes of Karl, Jill, Stephanie, Mike Curtin and his wife Christine, Matt Tichelaar, Tim Binder, Tim Velleca and his wife Mimi and Paul Lawler who was the cause of much laughter on my last trip.\u00a0 Paul brought three things to the party: delicious strumboli of his own making, a professional and artificial lisp and a tendency to swear when he was unknowingly within earshot of my niece.\u00a0 After a quick verbal spanking from my sister Jen, Paul transformed his naughty word into \u201chiney\u201d.<\/p>\n
On the stereo were the smooth sounds of Miles Davis and Eva Cassidy, a fantastic female vocalist who passed away recently due to cancer but is continuing to develop an increasing fan base.\u00a0 As the night wore on, many of the guests began to lobby for a showing of the Patriots-Raiders game in the living room so we begrudgingly shut down the music to watch the Patriots beat the Raiders in overtime as a heavy snow covered the field.\u00a0 It was then brought to my attention that we were running out of beer so I hopped into my brother\u2019s jeep; the same jeep that saw me breaking the cover to the middle storage cabinet between the two front seats on the prior day.\u00a0 I was a menace.\u00a0 I also broke a hanger that evening when I was hiding in a closet during a strategic game of \u201chide and seek\u201d with my niece Alexandra.\u00a0 But that\u2019s how I am.\u00a0 Without trying, I tend to highlight certain behavior patterns for a few days straight.\u00a0 Typical patterns are breaking things, beer drinking, throwing touchdown passes, working, shopping and fighting.<\/p>\n
I returned back with Harp lager, Budweiser, Sweetwater Blue Ale (local microbrew) and Spaten Oktoberfest, which I realized may have not been the freshest choice after Mike Curtin reminded me that we were currently three months past said celebration.\u00a0 While we partied on, my sister Jen and Alexandra went to bed.\u00a0 Meanwhile, Paul, Mike, Christine and I chatted like birds in forest in Sean\u2019s kitchen.\u00a0 After some time and unable to sleep, my sister, with the same free spirit of that of her daughter, casually entered the kitchen in her sleepwear in almost a trance.\u00a0 She stood between Paul and I and poured herself some red wine.\u00a0 Paul could not resist a wisecrack and opened his mouth, \u201cHey, is that for Alexandra?\u201d\u00a0 My sister barely grumbled back at him and drew back to her room.\u00a0 We laughed at Paul\u2019s inability to drum up a response from my sister and all he could say was \u201cYup\u2026your sister hates me.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cPaul\u201d I said, \u201cShe doesn\u2019t hate you.\u00a0 She just\u2026well\u2026yah, she probably does.\u201d<\/p>\n
Around one in the morning, the remaining guests said farewell and Sean and I cleaned up. \u00a0In case you wondered, we went to bed after that.<\/p>\n
The four of us awoke the next morning and after breakfast, allowed Sean to show us nice, big houses in Atlanta.\u00a0 Unfortunately, my three companions shared an affinity for James Taylor so I was forced to endure this 30-minute musical hiccup.\u00a0 He\u2019s talented and I can respect him, he\u2019s from Massachusetts, my friend dated his daughter and he sings a song about Lowell, MA but I still can\u2019t bring myself to a point of auditory nirvana when I hear him sing.\u00a0 Although my niece rocked her head back and forth to this music, I knew she would be okay because earlier that morning, without anyone\u2019s coaxing, she walked around my brother\u2019s house singing \u201cGo Hammer!\u00a0 Go Hammer! Go Hammer!\u201d\u00a0 Her singing those dynamite, soulful, hip-hop verses made me know it would all be okay.<\/p>\n
In any event, we continued on to the Atlantic Zoo.\u00a0 Entertaining wildlife moments were hard to find since the cooler winter temperatures created a \u201chung-over\u201d atmosphere among the animals.\u00a0 This didn\u2019t stop one man from approaching my brother at the Gorilla exhibit and asking him in a southern accent, \u201cYou ever feed gum to the gorillas?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo\u201d my brother replied a bit startled.<\/p>\n
With that, the man took out some gum and launched it about 35 yards into the exhibit.\u00a0 The gum landed about three feet from a gorilla and upon seeing it, the gorilla moved over to the piece of gum, picked it up with his hand and put it into his mouth and began to chew.\u00a0 The man looked at my brother with a smile and said, \u201cThey\u2019ll chew that all day.\u201d<\/p>\n
The rest of the visit was a bit tamer but still included the excitement of a humble train ride through a small section of the zoo.\u00a0 Confused, my niece asked me, \u201cUncle Chris, why is the train moving so slow?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d I replied. \u201cthat\u2019s because they want us to think we\u2019re getting the most for our money.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh,\u201d she responded.<\/p>\n
Back at the house, some of us napped while others watched television.\u00a0 My brother and I decided to enjoy a pleasant, 45-minute, toxin removing run.\u00a0 Some quick freshening up lead to a departure to Maggianos, a fantastic chain of high quality Italian restaurants.\u00a0 With our hungers overly-satiated, we settled the bill, drove home and went to bed.<\/p>\n
This day marked three important things: Martin Luther King Day, my brother Sean\u2019s birthday and our departure from Atlanta.\u00a0 To end this wonderful trip appropriately, the four of us met up with Karl at one of my favorite establishments in Atlanta: The Flying Biscuit.\u00a0 Renown for its mastery of breakfast-oriented delights, it provided the perfect backdrop for our last meal in this relaxing yet active city.\u00a0 The MVP of this meal was, hands down, Karl Schneider for his bold decision to absolutely hurl caution into a 100-mph wind and order grits for the first time in his life.\u00a0 I realize that I often comment on Karl\u2019s German nature but his ability to explore this pasty, Southern mess resembled that of an early American practicing their belief of Manifest Destiny and taking over new and uncharted territories.\u00a0 He made me proud.<\/p>\n
After the meal, I said goodbye and thank you to my brother and traveled to the airport in Karl\u2019s Stratus in attempts to parallel our stunning arrival.\u00a0 On the way, we stopped at a gas station to fill up the tank as required by the car rental company.\u00a0 This time around, it was Karl\u2019s German and efficient nature that seized the moment.\u00a0 To our distaste, we happened to pull into one of those annoying gas stations that forces you to pay before you pump your gas.\u00a0 Not wanting to risk overpaying, Karl tried his best to figure out what the least amount of gas we would need to get us to the \u201cF\u201d line.\u00a0 Karl made his way to the counter, shelled out some minute amount of cash and returned to pump some gas. After he finished, he sat down in the driver\u2019s seat.<\/p>\n
It was an entertaining scene.\u00a0 On the radio played some strange station that played German opera music while Karl put the key in the ignition, turned it slightly and the both of us stared dramatically at the gas needle.\u00a0 As those strange German voices seemed to crescendo, the needle followed suit and the two of screamed on with voices of encouragement.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome on!!\u00a0 You can make it!!\u00a0 Do it!\u00a0 Do it!\u00a0 Yah\u2026ahhh\u2026ohhhh\u2026damn it!!\u201d<\/p>\n
The needle fell noticeably short and our spirits with it. \u00a0Karl had to gather together the scattered bits of his pride and face the gas man behind the counter one more time ( One of the greatest things about this moment was that as Karl was getting out of the car for the second time to buy more gas, he lightly chuckled and said, \u201cI guess you can put this in your journal.\u201d\u00a0 Yes I can Karl.\u00a0 Yes I can.).\u00a0 I was just glad that it wasn\u2019t me that had to go back in there and say:\u00a0 \u201cHey yah, it\u2019s me again.\u00a0 My friend and I are the tools that just bought a dollar\u2019s worth of gas.\u00a0 Well, it appears that won\u2019t be enough.\u00a0 I mean, I never imagined that one dollar of gas wouldn\u2019t be enough!\u00a0 Who knew?\u00a0 Like, anyways, here\u2019s two<\/em> dollars for some more gas.\u00a0 Now I think we\u2019ll be in business!\u00a0 Later.\u201d<\/p>\n We finally got over this hurdle and after doing a few unplanned victory laps around the airport, we decided it was best for me to try and book an earlier flight and let Karl get lost as he tried to find the car rental return office.\u00a0 Forty minutes later, Karl and I met up in Concourse A and were unable to fly out early so we waited patiently for our original flight to board.\u00a0 Again the two of us were forced to sit apart so unfortunately I was not witness to the pristine exchange between Karl and a fellow passenger in the line to board the plane.<\/p>\n As this man in front of Karl was being frisked by security, this very large, overweight woman with a soulful voice turned to Karl and said, \u201cYou know, I know a way to increase security on flights.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow\u2019s that?\u201d Karl asked<\/p>\n \u201cThey oughta just make everybody go on naked.\u00a0 That way, you can\u2019t hide nothing!\u00a0 Besides, if they saw me coming with no clothes, no one would bother frisking me.\u201d<\/p>\n Unfortunately, there are certain moments and visions we can\u2019t remove from our lives.\u00a0 They continue to weigh down our souls for the rest of time.\u00a0 I think I speak for Karl as well when I say that I have no dislike or inability to form a meaningful bond with someone that is fat.\u00a0 But for Pete\u2019s sake, please don\u2019t force me to picture you naked.\u00a0 To be honest with you, I would rather not think of most people naked.\u00a0 The creation of clothes was no mistake.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t just to keep us warm either.\u00a0 If it was just an issue of warmth, I\u2019m sure there would be a lot more of us running around naked on the equator.\u00a0 There is definitely some ugliness to cover up and clothes make it happen.<\/p>\n Back in Boston, we waited to deplane at the gate and it was at that time that I noticed how foul the air is in a plane when it sits at the gate after a flight and the circulation is minimal.\u00a0 The odor is like a mixture of coffee breath, dirty laundry and a public bathroom.\u00a0 It forced me to move quickly off the plane and meet up with Karl out in the gate.\u00a0 The two of us grabbed a cab and returned to our domain of South Boston.\u00a0 The trip was officially over and all that was left to do was to put it into words.<\/p>\n